Choosing a Therapist

Studies have shown that the type of therapy the therapist uses is not as important as the relationship you build together. As therapy progresses and trust is established, the relationship between you and your therapist becomes your private “office” where you work on resolving the problems in your life. It is therefore important to find a therapist to whom you feel it is safe to share your innermost thoughts and feelings . In psychotherapy, you intentionally make yourself deeply vulnerable to another human being. Being consciously vulnerable is always a frightening position to be in but it is necessary if you are begin the process of healing yourself and finding the sense of inner self assurance you long for.

Obviously, if you are to make yourself so vulnerable, you must feel safe. Unfortunately the more troubled or stressed out you are, the more difficult it can be to decide just where you do feel safe and comfortable. So I have put together a short guide on how to choose your therapist.

Who to call?

The first point of call ought to be your GP or other Healthcare professional you may be dealing with. They will have experience and knowledge of therapists they may have used in the past. It is important to get a good reference and indeed frequently friends and family are in a position to recommend a therapist.

Then ask yourself if you want a same-sex therapist or one of the opposite sex. Some people are more comfortable with men, some are more comfortable with women. If you are nervous about starting therapy, then choose the gender of the therapist with whom you feel most comfortable.

Next check the qualifications and experience of the therapist. Currently in Ireland, anyone can set themselves up as a therapist. Mental health is an extremely complex area and requires study, so make sure that your therapist has recognised qualifications in this field.

Also, find out what experience they have and how long they have been practicing. Are they experienced in dealing with your type of issues? Are there any issues that they may be uncomfortable in dealing with? Are they allied to any particular outlook or ethos? Are there issues they will not deal with?

When you do calL

Don't be afraid to ask questions of your potential therapist. Find out if he or she has a few minutes to talk to you. If he or she is not available at that moment, then ask when you can call at a more convenient time. If they cannot find a time, you should check whether they are accepting new clients and when the first available appointment could be made. If it is too long until you can get an appointment and you feel the need to be seen relatively immediately it may be best to look elsewhere..

If they have time to talk then you should ask the following:

  • Does the therapist specialise in dealing with any particular types of issues? However it is important to be assured that the therapist is also familiar with a more eclectic form of therapy and not just one mode.
  • With this in mind ask what type of therapy does he or she use?
  • What qualifications and experience does the therapist have?
  • How long are the sessions, and how often does the therapist generally schedule sessions?
  • How much does a session or course of sessions cost?
  • Is the therapist affiliated with any professional bodies who can vouch for the reliability of his or her credentials?
  • Ask if he or she has a web site you can access. This is a useful method of finding out more about your potential therapist.

When you have a good referral and have asked the relevant questions hopefully you will feel comfortable with the therapist. It is really during the first session that you will decide if this person is someone you really are prepared to work with or not. It is only fair to say that the therapist should feel comfortable working with clients and they should indicate their willingness to do the best they can to help you in the process also. If they do not it is wise to ask them at the end of the first session if they are comfortable working with you.

After the first session

Be honest and non-judgemental with yourself about how you felt the session went.

  • Were you happy with the way the session went?
  • Did you get a sense that you could be comfortable with this therapist? Remember that each therapist creates a different environment and you have to decide if the atmosphere felt right to you.
  • Do you feel that you will be able to trust this therapist?
  • Did the therapist push you to reveal things that were uncomfortable too quickly?
  • Did they dismiss or brush over issues which you felt needed to be noted?
  • Did you feel you were properly listened to and heard?
  • Was the therapist professional in manner?
  • Did your therapist explain how therapy works and were you able to set some goals?
  • During the session did you feel you were in a safe and secure environment where your privacy was assured? You have a right to expect absolute privacy and confidentiality in therapy and it is very important that you get a sense of this if you are to build a truly therapeutic relationship.

What is the client required to do?

If you have found the therapist which fulfills these needs it is important you know what is now required of you. The following are typical conditions required for a successful therapy:

  • You must share your innermost thoughts and feelings as openly and honestly as you can. This involves taking the risk of sharing your deepest fears and concerns. This is usually scary for most people but you have taken steps to ensure that this environment is safe so trust, open up, and this will help you to make progress quickly.
  • Don't sit back and wait for the miracle cure. You need to actively work on your issues with your therapist. You are the only person who can fix your life, the role of the therapist is to enable you to gain a new perceptive so that you can begin to see just how things can change.
  • Complete any "homework" you are given. Homework is designed to help the benefits of therapy to extend beyond the therapy hour.
  • Reflect on your therapy between sessions. Be ready to discuss any thoughts, feelings or dreams that you have about the previous sessions or any insights that have gained since your last session.
  • Do not be late for appointments. Unlike other doctors that may keep you waiting for an appointment or that may accept you even if you show up late, a therapist has a specific hour set aside for you. If you are late, then you are missing out on time that was reserved for you. The therapist has no obligation to make the session run late because you showed up late. Most likely the therapist will have another client waiting to start at the beginning of the next hour. The therapist should not take phone calls or attend to any business other than yours during your therapy session.
    Another reason for not being late for the time you have agreeed you will use to work on creating a better you, is that by being late you are sending yourself a subconscious message that this work is not something you truly value.
  • If you cannot make an appointment be sure and cancel in advance so the therapist can reschedule (usually 24 to 48 hours). Usually therapists charge the full fee for missed appointments that are not cancelled in advance because you are paying for the therapist's time that was allotted for you.

What the therapist should not do

  • If you feel that the therapy lacks focus or direction, then be wary. At times therapists will unwittingly ignore the primary reasons for you being in therapy. They may concentrate on other matters you might feel have little relevance. This is something to watch out for and don't hesitate to mention anything you're uncomfortable with. Usually the therapist will have a good reason for their suggestions but it is up to them to make those reasons clear to you. Therapy can be expensive and it is important that the time allotted is used effectively to help you achieve your aims. It is not the therapist's role to determine the priorities of your life for you. This is rare, but it is something to watch out for nonetheless.
  • The therapist should never act in a way or ask you to act in a way that is against your morals and values. If a therapist ever asks you to do something unacceptable and does not respect your wishes then leave immediately. Therapists are in a position of power and as with any profession, there are a small percentage of bad therapists who will abuse their position of power. Remember though that you are paying for these sessions, you are in control and never have to do anything you do not want to do.
  • If you ever have a particular problem or disagreement with your therapist, it is vital to bring this out in the open. Disagreements will inevitably arise, this is part of the therapy process. You should watch out for therapists who don't listen to your concerns or apologise for mistakes.

Ultimately the decision is yours to make and this is simply a guide. The best guide a person can follow is their own intuition. Ask yourself honestly whether you believe this person can help you or not and go with your gut.